How to Stop Worrying About What Others Think of You: 5 Techniques
One judgmental glance. One disapproving message. One silence in response to your honesty — and suddenly, that familiar wave of anxiety rises:
“What did I do wrong?”
“I probably said something stupid.”
“Now they’ll think I’m weird…”
If you’re afraid of negative evaluation — there’s nothing wrong with you! This response is a part of our biology, an ancient survival compass wired to keep us safe within the tribe. The goal isn’t to completely eliminate this feeling — that’s impossible. But we can learn not to let anxiety dictate how we live.
Here are five science-based techniques to help you gradually build resilience to others’ opinions — without fighting your emotions or withdrawing from connection.
1. Don’t Let Anxious Thoughts Rule You
When we’re anxious, the brain feeds us dramatic stories like:
“You embarrassed yourself,”
“They’ll think you’re stupid,”
“They won’t invite you again.”
These thoughts sound convincing. But research shows we shouldn’t automatically believe everything we think.
Ask yourself: “Could there be another explanation?”
“Is this thought 100% true?”
These questions are like opening a window in a stuffy room. With “Could it be something else?”, new perspectives emerge:
“Maybe they were just tired,”
“Maybe they didn’t notice,”
“Maybe it has nothing to do with me.”
This kind of inner dialogue gives you back a sense of choice.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Be Inconvenient
Brené Brown calls worry about others’ opinions “one of the most potent forms of emotional self-abuse.” We try so hard to be liked in order to stay connected — but in doing so, we lose ourselves. In The Gifts of Imperfection, she writes:
“You can’t live a brave, authentic life and constantly seek approval at the same time.”
Yes, being “inconvenient” and facing disapproval is the price of authenticity. Remind yourself that you have the right to not be liked, to disappoint someone, to disagree. Allowing others not to choose you frees you from the weight of relationships that don’t serve you.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we don’t fight anxiety — we learn to make space for it. That means allowing it to exist in your body without resistance or analysis.
Notice where you feel it — chest, stomach, tightness in the throat. Describe its shape, color, movement.
Your task is to witness the anxiety and breathe into it. Sit down, close your eyes and gently say:
“Yes, anxiety is here. I didn’t invite it, but I’m giving it space.”
This anchors you in the present and helps you stop the internal battle.
4. Shift from “What Will They Think of Me?” to “What Do I Know About Myself?”
Redirect your focus to questions like:
“What truly matters to me?”
“What kind of person do I want to be?”
This shift helps you build a sense of inner stability and make life choices based on your own values — even if someone doesn’t understand or approve. That kind of internal foundation takes time to develop, and therapy can offer a safe space to explore it. You learn to make decisions not from fear, but from what truly matters to you.
If you find it difficult to build this foundation alone, I invite you to therapy. Together, we can explore what patterns are holding you back and how to gradually step out from under the weight of others’ expectations.
5. Develop Emotional Flexibility
The goal of therapy isn’t to eliminate uncomfortable emotions — it’s to learn how to live with them without letting them control your life. Fear of judgment is simply a reflection of your need for connection. Anxiety after social interactions shows your sensitivity and your longing to be accepted.
These feelings are not flaws — they’re signals calling for self-compassion and care.
Ask yourself:
“What would I want a kind friend to say to me right now?”
Then offer those same words to yourself.
References and Sources:
- Leahy, R. L. (2006). The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You.
- Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2016). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change.
- Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema Therapy: A Practitioner’s Guide.
- Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection.
